I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love having hate sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
