I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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