Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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