I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
