Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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