So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
