Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She told me I should be a condom model.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
