That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
