i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
