Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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