I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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