to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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