You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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