She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
