He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Enjoy the penises
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
