hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
