ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
