Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
