A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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