4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I touched a dick in church today
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
