Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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