Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
