We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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