It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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