his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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