I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
