All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
