i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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