Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
