Did I show you my penis last night?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
