NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
