Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
