Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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