I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
