I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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