Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
