How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
