I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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