I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
