she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
