Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
