wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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