i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
