my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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