Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
