Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
