you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
