Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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