My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
