every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
