So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
