I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We are two peas in an std pod
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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