Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
