You can't special order awesome
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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