You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
